Tantrums: Here’s Why Your Child Is Showing Frequent Bursts Of Anger And Hostility

Children, much like adults, have mood swings, and while some kids may react mildly to a situation, others tend to have a more extreme reaction when their demands aren’t being met. Kids can go from being uncooperative, and disobeying authority, to showing anger and hostility.

Your child may be the most adored toddler, but only you know how to deal with temper tantrums when he breaks into one.

While short bursts of anger and aggression are typical, regular temper tantrums may predict future antisocial behaviour. Ignoring your child’s temperament may diffuse the situation today, but it will only create more issues as he grows up. It is an equally draining situation for the parent too. 

More importantly, kids with temperament problems pose a threat to themselves and others. This is why you need to know when a temper tantrum should be taken seriously.

What Are Temper Tantrums

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There is a difference between short spurts of anger and a complete outburst. Typically, your child will throw a tantrum when they are tired, frustrated or during daily routines like bedtime, mealtime or when they’re getting dressed. Usually, the routine triggers the tantrum, and they might quickly calm down. 

According to the US National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), tantrums most commonly occur between the ages of two and three but may occur as young as 12 months.

It is atypical for children over five years to have a repeated pattern of tantrums that last over 15 minutes. 

However, it’s a red flag when your child bursts out without reason. If the tantrums go on for long, exhausting your child, it is a cause of concern.

According to Ray Levy, PhD., a clinical psychologist in the US, children between the ages of one and four years tend to “lose it” when they haven’t developed good coping skills. 

What Causes Toddler Tantrums

Toddlers can be tough to deal with. They’re still learning to express themselves and figure out the world around them, which can lead to tantrums.

But what causes toddler tantrums? Here are some of the most common triggers:

Frustration

Toddlers get frustrated when they can’t do something—like open a door or climb up steps—so they throw a fit.

Attention-seeking

Sometimes, toddlers throw tantrums because they want your attention. They will probably stop acting out when you positively respond to them (by giving them attention).

Anger

Toddlers are just starting to learn about emotions, so it’s not uncommon for them to get angry over something small—like an empty cookie jar—and then have a full-blown tantrum about it.

Hungry

If your child is hungry or thirsty, she might act out because she’s feeling cranky from low blood sugar levels. Try feeding her healthy snacks before she starts acting up so she doesn’t get super grumpy!

Exhaustion

It’s hard work being a toddler! When your kid has had enough and just needs to sleep, they may get grumpy or throw themselves on the floor in protest of going to bed (or out to eat), even if they were happy and calm just moments before.

When to Worry About Toddler Tantrums

Your child’s behaviour may be erratic when he’s having a temper tantrum, and you need to watch out for these signs:

1. Hostility 

Children tend to be hostile towards their caregivers when having temper tantrums. The hostility extends not just towards people, but household objects, toys, books and more.

You may also find the child throwing punches and kicks at the caregiver out of frustration. While a one-off incident can be ignored, it is deeply concerning if that’s how your child behaves during each of their tantrums. 

2. Self-harm

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This is a more serious issue and needs immediate attention as children may injure themselves gravely. During a temper tantrum, they could bite or scratch themselves.

Some children even bang their heads against the wall or hurt their feet by kicking things.  

3. Frequent outbursts

If your child has over 15 to 20 outbursts every month, that’s a lot of time and energy spent comforting your child. This also means you spend much of your day addressing your child’s tantrums. This is a serious red flag. 

4. Long outbursts

An outburst that lasts over 25 to 30 minutes at stretch hints at other issues harming the wellbeing of your toddler. It would be advisable to pay a visit to a child psychologist. 

5. Can’t calm down 

Sometimes a temper tantrum can aggravate to the point where they can’t calm themselves down. This is a big issue in public spaces like malls, grocery stores or family gatherings.

If the child can’t be distracted and needs to be removed from the environment, it’s something that needs attention at the earliest. 

Why Do Children Throw Tantrums

A temper tantrum is usually a sign of underlying issues, including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, or sensory processing issues. 

Temper tantrums can also be caused by disruptive behaviour disorder.

This is further divided into two issues – Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and conduct disorder (CD). In such cases, children exhibit issues like fighting, cruelty, arguing and defiance of authority. 

Children with ODD may be cruel, mean or spiteful to others. These children may also exhibit issues like anxiety and depression as they get older. 

In the case of children with CD, their disruptive actions may include bullying, using weapons, destroying things, lying and stealing. 

How to Manage Toddler Tantrums

Toddler tantrums are a part of life and can be frustrating! It’s important to remember that toddlers don’t have the language skills or emotional maturity to express themselves effectively. They’re just learning how to communicate, and when they get frustrated, it can feel like they’re dealing with an alien from another planet.

But don’t worry—we’ve got some tips for managing those toddler tantrums.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child is still learning how to express their feelings appropriately. Don’t take it personally! Your toddler isn’t mad at you; they’re just learning how to express their frustration in an effective way. Prepare yourself for a long battle if your toddler knows how much they love cookies (or whatever else they want) and is used to getting what they want every time by throwing a fit when they don’t get it immediately. Do not give in! This will only teach them that throwing fits works, making it worse in the future. How to Deal With Temper Tantrums

There will be times when parents are triggered as well by their child’s temper tantrum, but remember to never take it personally.

If you anticipate a tantrum, be quick to distract them or engage your child in a different activity. In case the tantrum is for a toy or food, it might be okay to give in to the demand occasionally, albeit within reason. Sometimes, you may want the child to have that outburst and let that frustration out. 

However, frequent episodes of temper tantrums may require the intervention of a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Early treatment will help your child deal with anger and frustration constructively, which is essential for their mental well-being when growing up.

As a parent, too, you need the process of raising children to be less exhausting, and sometimes seeking professional help is the way to go. 

Updated by Pheona Ilagan

Kids Health, Cleveland Clinic, Mayo Clinic

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